I haven’t posted on this blog in a couple of months. Is that a good sign, I wonder? I mean, it means I haven’t been in a position where I felt I could do nothing else (which was the original reason I started the blog). But at the same time, I think I just have been too busy. Too busy, too stressed, too much to do to think about a blog. So maybe its not good. I’m not sure.
So much has happened the last couple of weeks. Something big happened at my university that has split students down the middle on the debate. National newspapers wrote about it. People (including many friends of mine) have received harassed online by total strangers about it. It got completely out of hand. I wrote an article for the student newspaper about the outrageous harassment and abuse people were receiving and it was labelled as “The most biased article I have ever read” by someone who had been making ad hominem attacks to people (no surprise there!). I am so worn out by talking about it that I don’t want to go into what the actual controversy was about but needless to say it was exhausting. That plus all the work I’ve had to do the last few weeks and all the events I’ve felt I’ve had to go to in the evening I feel completely overwhelmed. Luckily I applied for Mitigating Circumstances at my department and I have a 2 week extension on my Literature Survey (worth 100% of a module!). Hopefully once term ends I can gather my senses and get cracking on it properly. xxx
I’ve been feeling OK the last couple of days. Probably because I’ve been so busy. It seems to be only in the moments of stillness I ever feel like this. That I am forced to confront the feelings that rise to the surface when there isn’t anything to distract me from it. Writing really does help though! When I was a kid and I was mad at my mum/dad/brother I used to go to my room and write down what was making me angry and somehow that made me feel better. I could say the things I wanted to say to them but couldn’t to their face. And this is essentially the same thing. Getting the words out of your head and onto the page (or the screen) kind of makes you feel like you don’t have to think about it anymore. xxx
I am going to be honest here. I am starting this blog because I am at a point where I don’t know what to do with myself. Recently I have been struggling with mental health difficulties and some days (like today) I feel like I have nowhere to put all the feelings I am having and I also just want to do something and nothing feels like its enough. Maybe this way I can put my feelings out into the world without burdening anyone. But I also hope that maybe, somehow, I can help someone. Help them feel less alone. Help share tips on what I do when I feel like crap. It’s not much, but it’s a start. xxx